Sand in her shoes
by RennaEsprit
Summary: I love when he smiles. I love his smile when it belongs to me, when he smiles to me and only to me. Not to someone else, not to other woman, not to other girl, not to Lilly – to me. Logan


**Title**: Sand in Her Shoes

**Author**: RennaEsprit

**Fandom**: Veronica Mars

**Rating**: PG

**Paring: **Veronica/Logan

**Genre**: fluff, romance… something like that, I guess.

**Spoilers**: somewhere after "Hot Dogs"

**Disclaimer**: not mine

**Word count**: about 940

Thanks to **Musicaljunkie** for beta :)

…

Thursday.

It means nothing, just Thursday, just another day of the week. It's the fifth day from the beginning and the fourth working day. Or it's the seventeenth day of the month. It's just Thursday.

And there's sand in my shoes.

I look at him. I just look, and I like to look at him, not trying to remember, just trying to look. It's like I'm trying to jump in the last car of leaving train, not wanting to miss the last chance. I look at him.

I love when he smiles. I love his smile when it belongs to me, when he smiles to me and only to me. Not to someone else, not to other woman, not to other girl, not to Lilly – to me. I love when he looks in my eyes, I love when he nestles his forehead to my forehead, and I love when he folds me, when I lean to him so close and there's nothing between us, even air.

I love… when I feel like there is something between us.

I love this damn Thursday.

…

"You don't eat."

I shrug my shoulders. I don't know how to explain … I just can't eat. Just can't, and I don't know why. Whether there's so much life in my life, whether it's not enough, but my body doesn't want ay food. It resists. And I don't insist. I just don't eat.

There's sand in my shoes and my feet hurt.

"I don't want to."

He buys me a cold drink; I smile. His hands are on my hips and it's just it. He holds and doesn't hold me – both of that simultaneously – his hands just lay on my hips. And it's good. I feel good when he touch me, when I feel his touch and all that is between us, it's only for us.

Today is Thursday.

"What are your favorite…?" I know so much and so little about him. There are a lot of things I knew from Lilly. She told me a lot and her stories were bright, chaotic, and causing. Lilly always was beyond good and bad, she always was somewhere else. She could talk about him and herself, and she was always laughing. She could tell about their crazy things, their crazy acts. She could tell about their sex and about Logan.

And, yet, I know nothing about him. I know Lilly loved him. I know I loved Lilly. And that's all.

"You wanna know something special or in general?" he laughs. Every time he laughs, I hold my breath. I prepare. And I'm afraid of his laughter. I am afraid of him.

"In general."

My hands shiver. And my whole body shivers. And I know he feels my shivers, and I don't know what he'll think. I don't know, but for some reason I care.

I care about a lot of things involving him. I so much about him.

He smiles. I hold my drink in one hand, my right hand, and my fingers shake because of the cold. We're standing on the beach, motionlessly, and people can look at us, can see us and observe us. And I'm afraid. I shiver.

"Are you freezing?"

"No, I'm just… yes, I'm freezing"

I close my eyes. Things are better in darkness, quieter. In darkness there's quiet. And I try to calm down, but I shiver and I can't help it. And my foot hurts. And my fingers shake because of the cold.

"What's the matter, Veronica?" he asks. And he holds me, hugs me, embraces me, and I'm frightened, shivering and not because of the cold, not because of the wind. Because I'm afraid of him. It's a strange, unnatural fear, but I'm afraid.

And I don't know how to tell him. I don't know should I tell him or not.

I have already tried to say it once. I said "It's too fast". And I don't remember his answer. I remember senses, but I don't remember words. I should, too, but I don't.

"It's nothing… just the wind is… chilly."

And I open my eyes. I look in his eyes. And I want to turn away, but I can't. I don't know what he'll think and I'm afraid he'll get it wrong, but I can't look in his eyes. I can't look at him and know that he knows I'm looking.

"Veronica…"

"It's just the sand in my shoes" I interrupt him quickly, hasty. "It doesn't matter"

…

Thursday.

It means nothing, just another day of the week. It's the fifth day from the beginning and the third from the end. Or it's fourth working day. Or it's the second before the weekend. It's just Thursday.

"I was alone too long," I whisper. I don't know if he hears it, but I hope he doesn't. I should say it. For myself.

His hands lay on my hips. And I rest my forehead on his shoulder. I'm small. I'm short. I'm Veronica.

And I want to know if there will be a day when for Logan I was Veronica. Not Lilly's friend. Not Veronica Mars. Just Veronica.

Today is Thursday and there's sand in my shoes.

And my head is twisted. And my hands shiver. It's complicated. And it's too good to be right. It's too wrong. It's so wrong that it's right.

"It doesn't matter. Forget it"

And I smile.

But my hands still shiver.

And feel like someone has looked in my insides, opened my door and forgot to close it. And there's sand in my shoes, and I think it'll be raining soon.

**Fin**


End file.
